There's much to share and I've been a bit preoccupied lately. Things are getting pretty intense here as far as praying and listening and receiving direction about our lives. I think we're hearing some things and getting some direction but it's kind of like seeing hills in the distance. It looks like a big green mountain until you get closer and can pick out the individual trees. On the one hand I'm happy that God is doing things and the intensity is a necessary part of that. But on the other hand I hate to feel unsettled, like everything could change in one instant so I walk around feeling like a fish out of water. Everything seems strange; like I'm stepping out over a cavern on a bridge with no rails. I guess that would be more than strange...but you get the idea. I'm not scared- I rarely get scared at times like this. On the contrary, I get excited. But I feel the Lord saying "count the cost" and it makes me think. I'm not a naive little girl anymore that thinks just because God's called me to do something it's going to be all butterflies and rainbows. I think that whatever it is, it will be *amazing*- and really hard. But what is the alternative? I told God when I was 19 that He could take my life and do whatever He wanted to with it so I can't just take it back. Not that I want to. It's just that I've been around this block enough to know that it's going to be hard.
At our church, we read the Bible through every year. We have a set schedule so every year at this time we're reading through the exodus and following the Israelites into the promised land. The point that they're at right now is after they rebel and have to wander in the wilderness for forty more years. But once they reached the promised land- once they crossed over the Jordan river, they didn't exactly get a break. They didn't get to sit by the pool, kick up their heels and drink Mai-Tais. Nope. They had to fight. Yes, God fought for them but they still had to swing the sword themselves. And they had to do it over and over and over again until they had run out enough inhabitants that they could actually live in the promised land. I think in the past I've mentally stopped at the promised land part and have overlooked the fighting for it afterwards.
So, I think spiritually we're fighting for it now and we will be fighting for it after we see God's promises fulfilled. I want a break, really. I need a vacation at the beach with waves and sand and sun with the burden that we've carried for such a long time removed. I think I'll get it. And then I'll pick up my sword and fight some more. That's the nature of the life we live. In some ways I'd love for someone to tell me that I get to move to Key West and walk on the beach in a flowy skirt and sandals for the rest of my life and live in peace and security. And the rest of me knows that I'd go crazy in about two weeks. That's the nature of the call to serve Christ. You can never be content not making a difference somewhere. So we wait, sometimes patiently, sometimes impatiently for whatever this thing is to happen. I'm excited and nervous and peaceful and am anticipating amazing things to come.