Well, I'm sure you all remember when we moved here and what we came here to do but I'm going to recap before I let you know what's going on now. This is a long one you might want to go to the bathroom and eat something first. That's my attempt at humor before you read this really, really serious post.

A little over a year ago we started talking with Mom and Dad about starting a church. I don't really remember how it came about or anything like that but we were talking and praying about it anyway. My Dad went to his pastor and said he was thinking about starting a church. Well, immediately the pastor went to his office with my Dad and called the State Evangelism Director for the Church of God. The pastor told him that my Dad wanted to start a church. The Director said that he'd been wanting to start a church in Helena for quite some time. Well, that was the city that we'd been praying about. As time went on Dad was approved to start the church and was told to find a building. That was around the time we moved here. Just prior to our moving here Mom and Dad found out about several inproprieties on part of the pastor of their church and it led to Mom getting fired and them leaving that church.

When we moved here we were still approved to start the church. We located a building that the State Evangelism Director approved and because of their former pastor it was disapproved the very next day. All of this stemmed from the former pastors sexual harrassment and character assasination of the chidren's pastor. Dad told the state officials what happened and asked for a full investigation into all of the allegations made by that pastor and the children's pastor. Mom and Dad sided with the children's pastor because of several lies they knew that the pastor had told and through their own investigation they found out about a number of women to whom he'd done the same thing.

The extent of the investigation into the matter consisted of state officials asking the pastor Did you do this? He said No, and that was it. BUT they said that the children's pastor was barred from ministry and if we were going to use her then they would not approve us starting a church.

Dad asked again for a full hearing in front of an impartial jury, so to speak, and they said they'd get back to him. After two full months of waiting Dad decided to surrender his license and pursue other avenues.

We looked at other denomination options but for several different reasons Dad decided to remain independant.

The things that we know are that Dad is called to pastor and that we did our very best to make this happen. We have exhausted every avenue of starting a church and it has failed. So, where are we now? Well, we're not going to start a church. That's where we are. I know what we came here to do, with much drama I might add. Yes, we uprooted our family, left our jobs, friends (who really are family), stability, etc., to start a church that is not going to come into existence.

So then, did we really hear from God? Yes, I believe we did. I had to ask myself, Is there a scriptural precedent for God telling you to do something and it not happening? Well, there is at least one.

Genesis 22:1-12
Basically God told Abraham that he would be the Father of a great nation. He and his wife waited for the promise and Isaac was born when they were very old. Verse 1 says, " Later on God tested Abraham's faith and obedience". How did he do that? By asking him to sacrifice his son. The son from which the Lord had already told him that through him the promise would be fulfilled. So, Abraham did what he said. He took Isaac to the mountain that God showed him, carried the fire and the knife himself, bound Isaac, put him on the altar raised the knife, and then the angel of the Lord called out to him. "Lay down the knife...Do not hurt the boy in any way, for now I know that you truly fear God." Abraham got to the point of raising the knife before God called out to him to stop. I think it's Hebrews that says Abraham figured that God could raise the dead. He knew God spoke to him, he knew what the promise was, and he knew that God would make a way.

Am I putting our faith on the same level as Abraham? Um, not in this lifetime. Moving from TN to AL doesn't come close to sacrificing a son. It was hard and I wouldn't want to go through this again, but it doesn't rank up there with the faith of the father of the Jewish nation. I do believe, however, that the Lord tests your faith in order to develop the character, faith, and perseverance, (Romans 5) so that you can do the work to which He's called you.

All through college I told God, I'll do whatever you want me to do, go wherever you want, say what you want me to say," etc. But when things went wrong I cried, moaned, complained, and was angry with God. So, I said "Do whatever", what I meant was "Do whatever, as long as I'm incredibly successful and have the love, respect, and admiration of everyone I meet, and as long as I'm comfortable, yes, please make sure I'm comfortable. I wouldn't want to struggle or anything."

So now, I believe I can truly say, 'whatever God". It's not the whatever of someone so tired of life, so tired of fighting that it doesn't matter anymore. It's not the whatever of stoicism or sarcasm, it's the whatever of surrender. Am I completely surrendered in every single area of my life? I'd be a fool if I said yes. I hope that God's major project is done and that it will just take some tweaking here and there, but I'm not God.

So, where do we go from here? That's a good question. At best, we look foolish, at the worst we look like failures that think they hear from God but don't. I don't think you guys will think that, but people that don't know us will certainly think that. "There go the Buttons, the most unstable people you'll ever meet". I know people and I know they'll think that, but we have to go on. As soon as we know where we go from here I'll let you know. Sorry about the length but I wanted a synopsis so that you wouldn't think we just moved down here half cocked. Well, what I really wanted was to justify our move. Anyway, when I know you'll know. Until then pray for direction for us and for my parents. We're not discouraged. Actually, this is the happiest and most at peace I ever remember being.