Tuesday, May 15, 2007

It is So Not Worth It!

I've been sick lately- a lot. Actually it's gone on for about 5 1/2 years that when I workout strenuously I get sick. I like to work out hard- it makes me feel good. I know that some people don't understand that but it's just how I am. So a couple of months ago I went to the Dr. (because Travis made me) and laid out the sickness routine- I work out strenuously for about 3 days in a row and then I'm sick for 5 days and up to two weeks. I told him that we'd been under a lot of stress for several years and he said that when you're under stress your body released a hormone (that I can't remember the name of) and it's the same one that Dr.'s give to transplant patients to wreck their immune system- and it's very effective. I was happy on the one hand to hear him say that because it's just not natural for someone to get sick as often as I do and it's frustrating. I can't count how many days I've spent lying on the couch when the kids are outside playing. I resent not being able to be as physically fit and as active as I want to be- it's all just very frustrating. So I've kept working out and kept getting sick. And all this time I feel the Holy Spirit saying to me "relax". Relaxing is not in my nature- I need to achieve and conquer something- always, even if it's just reaching that next level on the exercise bike. But on Mother's Day I decided to take a walk with Chloe. We decided to walk in the neighborhood across the street from ours- the one with the crazy-expensive houses. So as we walked we came across a series of ponds that the developers call "lakes" (I really hope the residents didn't pay extra for that- I'm from Lakeland and I know what a lake looks like) and then came across a dock. Chloe and I walked out onto it and saw lots of medium sized fish (probably bream) and turtles and a goose. I think they were waiting for us to drop some breadcrumbs but alas, we had none. We had so much fun and it was so relaxing- even though we walked for an hour and a half. So yesterday we decided to walk again and took Halle with us since Travis was mowing the lawn. We went back to the dock and had a seat this time. The turtles that would disappear under the water if we flinched the day before seemed very curious and some swam right up to us- including a small alligator snapping turtle! Chloe said to the goose, "sorry goose no bread" since we'd forgotten to bring it along. And Halle mimicked her saying "sowwy goof, no bwead", with her hands out and a shrug of her shoulders. It was slightly breezy and the girls had the happiest looks on their faces and I thought, "it's just not worth it". I guess my desire to work out has to sit on the shelf for a while. I'm going to take it easy and walk for a while- which I don't really like. In the past walking was what I did on those days that I felt like a slacker. But I'll walk and take Chloe with me (or anyone else that wants to tag along) and stop and smell the roses that she picks for me and get better.

The stress of our crazy lives has brought me to this point but I know that God is restoring us. I'm not content to say that this is just how it is. God has brought us through this amazing and painful journey and while I believe that we're at the end of that journey, our journey into restoration, healing, and ministry is just beginning. I will be climbing mountains again soon.


Tisra said...

Thank you, God. Amy, an amazing post that I'm glad you finally put into writing. You've shared tons of conversations with me to this effect, but leaving it as written word is transforming, I believe. It commits you to action, and serves as a testament to Future Amy about God's faithfulness and the miraculous journey He has led you on. I agree with you on this and pray for you to feel His work in this area of your lives in a very tangible way- that you may be encouraged, and built up to carry out the duties the Lord is asking you to perform in His name. I'm thrilled to see it happen!

Mary said...

What a wonderful post. I think I relate, only it's not working out, it's just "doing" in general. I appreciate my kids and even myself so much more if I let it go and like you said, relax. It's such a simple thing to say, but living that way is difficult, if it weren't more people would be doing it. Thanks for sharing...I feel inspired.

Amy said...

I think that there is a tremendous amount of guilt placed on everyone by "others" to always be doing more- it's the American way. And if we're not acheiving something then we have no real place in society. I'm not sure who the "others" are since the media and everyone else that I talk to speaks of the "stress of daily life". But as for me right now I'm going to and have been doing my best to relax and I have to say I really do feel better. Actually I think we should adopt a Spanish lifestyle and take a "siesta" everyday

Mary said...

I have been a staunch supporter of the daily siesta since college. I didn't live on campus but always wanted a nap, so I remember thinking they should have a lounge where there are cots to lie on for those of us who are commuting and can't get comfortable on the various wooden benches. Imagine what a cot room would lead to on a college campus though...probably not a good idea.

Forever Amber said...

Amy, I think so many can relate to this post. I am very much like you inasmuch as I don't sit and relax very well. I'm going, doing, conquering, accomplishing, etc. Fortunately for me, it's not making me sick yet :) When I find the opportunity where I truly can relax it's refreshing, renewing, and restoring. It's just hard to get me to slow down or stop without feeling guilty for not "doing." I'm proud of you for exchanging your illness inducing workouts for a more relaxing method of movement. There's NO SENSE in making or keeping yourself sick! Love you. Miss you!

Amy said...

Thanks you guys!

Tisra- My reason for writing this was so that I'd have it in writing and have some form of accountability. I was really tempted to hop on the bike a couple of times this week- maybe I should sell it.

Amber- I totally feel the guilt thing. And I miss you too- we ladies need to get together again soon!

Tracy Mock said...

Relax : by James Bowie

The gently tapered wings of swift lake swallows, cut
through the air like soft whispering sighs, while they
dart in and out of a clustered hovering mass of
mayflies, that drift just inches above the shimmering lake
that reflects the orange hued light of the setting sun.

On a floating dock, worn in spots by the rubbing of
moored boats, I sit in a weathered adirondack chair
with the purpose of only to relax to the rhythmic
rocking caused by small rolling waves from cruising
pleasure boats, with people waving as they pass by.

Looking down through the clear jade tinted waters
I notice the octagonal amber markings on a small box turtle
that seems to be ambling, rather than swimming through
the still water as it passes by, seemingly without a care
for anything but its mysterious unknown destination.

These moments pass fleetingly, but remain ingrained in
my mind for those times where I feel the sides pressing
in, my escape is into these simple moments, where all that
the world requires of you is to sit back and take in what
is offered, without asking for anything in return.