Just a Couple More...

I did get a better shot of the windows last night, see? I usually don't leave the curtains open at night but I couldn't really bring myself to close them. They look so pretty and new. So new in fact, that I see I'm going to have to paint the exterior parts of the house that aren't brick- the barn facade thingy. Mary mentioned the lack of grids in the windows and I'm glad we don't have them either. I think it obscures the view. And you have to pay extra for them so it wasn't even a consideration.

I bought these cute little window clings the week before last at Target for a dollar in their dollar bin and Chloe wanted to wait until she got a new window in her room before she put them up. And she did last night, I think they're cute.

The whole process was easy peasy, by far the easiest home improvement to date. Of course, that's because we hired a professional and I'm so glad we did. I don't think we could have done it. We've read how to do it but 1. we don't have the tools 2. we're burned out beyond belief on house projects and 3. I'm afraid we would have gotten the window partially out and then had to call someone- and we know now that it takes weeks to get new windows. Besides being energy efficient they have some super- cool features, like being able to slide the screen to the top part of the window and open the window from the top. That way the cats can't get out and (as a friend pointed out this morning) your kids can't accidentally fall out the window either. All in all I'm pleased with the whole thing...except that the window for our master bedroom was the wrong size so Trav and I still have the old nasty window. Patience is a virtue I guess. When the installer told us we actually started laughing. Like really, really laughing. I don't think that was the response he expected.

There's something else I have to talk about though. I've been debating about it for a while and I just have to get it out. Travis read my posts and comments at Christmas time and he said that what I was saying didn't really match up with where my heart was in regards to FL and wanting to be there. I said I wanted to be home but I wasn't going to think about it. And at that point that's where I was- but I left out some details. It wasn't just about my wanting to be home or being homesick. I should probably mention that I haven't been homesick since we've lived here. I'm sure I complained about Tennessee and the fact that I could drive 15 minutes in any direction and be in the sticks and the lack of things to do or the fact that any of the things that there are to do cost a lot. I haven't wanted to move back to FL in forever, I don't remember how long. It's been at least as long as we've lived in Franklin because I've loved Franklin so very much. It's like living in a Norman Rockwell painting except with traffic. In fact, when we went to FL for Amanda's graduation present (this past May) I realized that I hated everything about FL. I hated the pine trees and the cement block houses and the cockroaches (I swear, they're always in the bathtub) and the palmetto bushes. And the memories, I especially hated the memories, the bad stuff that happened to me there. And the whole time I was in college I wanted to run away. I wanted to be Amy without a past. To just be Amy.

Fast forward to the Friday before Christmas. I was getting ready for shopping and such since we'd been involved in church stuff and Travis had walking pneumonia and we just didn't have time to get ready for Christmas. But the whole day I had a gnawing in my gut and I couldn't really put my finger on what was going on. I went to the grocery store to get stuff for Christmas dinner and I just felt like God wasn't letting me buy anything. Yes, it sounds nuts and I thought so at the time. I went to the produce section and looked at the citrus and felt all sentimental and mushy over a bunch of tangerines. I thought I was losing it. And I bought some tangerines. And I started thinking that we could go home for Christmas. It was really short notice but we could pull it off. And the whole time I had a sense that it was time to go home. But not just for Christmas; it was time for us to go home. And I felt that the whole time we were there and it was hard to resolve all of that. But I didn't think about it all the time because we were too busy doing lots of stuff.

Anyway, I don't have a clear picture of what's going to happen. I'm at peace and turned upside down all at the same time. I want to be part of Newsong but the only thing that I think I know is that we're called to be with our family. I have no clues or details about how or when. I do know that our families on both sides are going through a lot of really hard things right now. I won't go into details on that. Our families have gone through lots of hard things since we've been gone and we haven't felt compelled to go back until now. In counting the cost of leaving, it's hard to think about. We have amazing friends that we love dearly. In reality though our two sets of friends are the only people that I'm close to. I've never felt at home at church (although I love it) or Life Group; I still feel like an outsider every time we go. We just refinanced a house that is probably 3 years out from being completely remodeled when I think about it realistically. And moving to another state is really hard even if you've lived there before- while getting a job is nearly impossible.

In praying I have heard the Lord say that I shouldn't fret about the process that he has every detail worked out. And I just have to trust that. I want to say that I'm not anxious to leave but if I'm going to be very honest I have to say that wanting to go home is this huge gnawing in my gut. I want to be home badly. I want to see restoration between my brother and me. I want to see restoration for my nephews and nieces. I want to see restoration for so much more that I can't really write about now. The fact is that our God is a restorer of things broken and I have seen so much devastation in my family and I know that God has in mind to fix it. I don't think that I can just waltz in and fix things that are broken, it's not my job, I just want to be there. I want to love my family unreservedly and somehow show them that and see God fix it.

I know that I do not have the power to make this come to pass. Our financial state is too fragile, our emotions too raw from 8 1/2 years of struggling. We're just starting to see the pieces of our family come back together; there is no way we can take something like this on in ourselves. God has to do it or it won't get done. So I wait. I'm kind of tired of waiting.

Things like this deserve a phone call- they do. But I can't. I can't do it again. I'm waiting for this thing that, I believe, is going to be wonderful all the while waiting to say goodbye again. To have my heart ripped out again....and I just can't. So I think that's it in a nutshell. I knew it would come pouring out eventually.

I Love the Sound of a Reciprocating Saw in the Morning....

Today is *the* day! I got a phone call on Thursday telling me that my windows had come in and would I like to have them installed on Monday? She didn't have to ask me twice. And I tried my best to not answer "YES!" like a squealy little school girl that had just been asked to the prom by the school's star football player. So I said, "sure, Monday would be fine".



OK, so let's recap. We moved in here October of '06 full of excitement at all the fixing we'd do to our fixer-upper. You can find before photos here and here. If you've been reading for a while you know the really big projects we've tackled. But the whole time we've really, really, needed new windows. I've posted pictures of them before but just for giggles here are some more.

This is the window in the girl's room. You can see the condensation in between the panes. I've shown them frozen before but they're just cold all winter and really hot in the summer. If you touch the metal in the hot months when the sun is beating down on them you can actually burn your hand.

Pretty, huh?Here's the gaping hole in my kitchen...it was 30 degrees outside. My feet were cold but it's always cold in the house.

And presto, chang-o, we have a new window. It took him a lot longer to get the window out than it did to get the new one in. See the little blue cat prints? That happened the last time I painted. The cats love to sit up there but I don't think they're going to have room anymore since the new window is so much wider than the old one.

I'd like to get a better picture but it's actually kind of hard to get one. It's cloudy outside so the flash won't come on since the camera thinks I'm taking a picture of something outside.

Travis stayed home with me today and I'm very thankful. The installer seems very nice but the thought of me staying here all day with a guy I don't know made me uncomfortable. And, so, as a reward I made french toast with whipped cream and berries and bacon. I was going to make eggs too but he got full. It was nice to feel Martha Stewart-y this morning.

Mmmmmm...

Of Bunkbeds and Ice Formations

Has it really been over a week since we set the bunkbeds up? I wanted to wait to post pictures until I got the girls bedding-which I did last week- and then I wanted their room to be perfect. And there have been a couple of times that their room has been perfect but I didn't take a picture so I just decided to take a picture and deal with it not being perfect. My parents got a Barbie townhouse for them for Christmas and they've been spending a lot of time playing with it.

So here they are. I like the color. I don't like it that the cats can scratch the finish on it. As you can see they've made it their new hangout.


And this is a sweet little side table that I bought for Chloe in October off of Craig's List. She needed something to put some books in and to put her water cup on at night. It hardly holds a fraction of her books though and I really needed something else. So yesterday I bought a 9 cube organizer for their room too in the same color as the bed. Target has them on sale in the store for $10 off (for that matter nearly everything in Target is on clearance right now). You can see a couple of toys peeking out from under her bed and that's because we've stored toys and books and bags of clothes under there for lack of any other place to put them. The cubes will allow us to store both and hopefully their room will be better organized. Yesterday Christy posted some envy inducing pictures of the beach so I thought I'd post some pretty, if not envy inducing, pics from the rocks behind Target.I'd kind of forgotten that the rocks get like this. It used to be a common sight when I drove on the interstate all the time but I rarely do now. I'm sick of the cold but they're still pretty.And I really hope we get our new windows soon. It's supposed to happen the first of February although I don't have an exact date yet. This shot is of moisture being frozen *between* the two panes of glass.

Days 4 & 5

Day 4 of South Beach was so unremarkable that I actually kind of forgot about it. I ate what I was supposed to and I didn't really crave anything. Thinking back on the last time I did this, I remember that it's about the same. Although the first few days were harder. Does that make sense? I know what I'm thinking but it's not translating well. And today was fine. I even worked out on my bike for 48 minutes without much difficulty. While watching an episode of Psych- I really like that show. *But* a little bit ago I noticed I was hungry and ignored it. It's a habit from high school. My dad was always coming home with this idea or that from the Post Office (where he worked) and one that really stuck was not eating after 4PM. So the we'd eat early and that was it. Tonight I didn't think I should be hungry because I was full after dinner. Anyway, I got this bad familiar feeling of light headedness and was afraid that if I stood up I'd pass out. A few months back I got sick and didn't eat for the whole day because I couldn't and about 4am I felt sick and went through this process of feeling like I was dying or something and I did briefly pass out. Which is what tipped the Dr. off that something was wrong. Anyway, I'd like to avoid that again if at all possible so Travis quickly got some Orange Juice for me. Which is not on phase 1 of South Beach. And I followed it with a banana and string cheese.

I'm a little bummed but at least I didn't use it as an excuse to eat a candy bar. The medicine is going to affect everybody differently and I won't explain it all because it's boring. The jist of it is that the medicine makes my blood sugar drop because it's for diabetics. I don't have high blood sugar so I have to be careful. Anyway, as of right now I think that I'll either have to a) quit working out until I'm on phase 2 when I can eat fruit or b) keep working out and just be on phase 2 now. Either way I'm not eating sugar so I'm leaning toward phase 2 now since I seem to be healthy enough to work out and I'm tired of not exercising. We'll see how it goes.

Just Some Fun Stuff

OK, so I finally did it. I have managed to stay awake after I got home from taking Chloe to school- I made a really big cup of coffee (thanks for the mug mom)- but I'm awake. I haven't done devotions yet but I will. I like being up when the house is quiet. I'm sorry for those of you with early risers. Anyway, I was reading my new Southern Living a couple of days ago and saw the cutest kitchen ever and thought I'd share it with you. You can find the whole article here. I'm not crazy about what they did with their living room but maybe you'll like it.

I don't know if I'd be gutsy enough to do this but isn't it fun? I love color, I think I get it from my dad. My mom has always (and I mean always) preferred browns and deep, rich colors while my dad prefers bright, bold in your face color. Now that I think about it, I love them all so I guess I get it from them. I was telling someone the other day that I think I'm design schizophrenic because I love almost everything and I could having a bit of nearly every style in my house. Except Queen Anne, I don't like that at all. I love the red island, I love the green cabinets, love the subway tile...Love the yellow cabinet with the coral chair...The only thing I'm not crazy about is this shade of orange on the built in desk. I'm not sure why. Maybe if it was coral like the chair...

So I hope you enjoyed this little mini-tour. Kudos to the home owners for going so big and bold. I think that in order to do something like this you'd have to be sure that you were going to stay in this house for a *long* time because of resale and such. Again, I'm not sure if I'd have the guts to do it and I get bored with colors pretty quickly because I always want to try another new color that I haven't used yet. Wouldn't a nice shade of green look good in my kitchen? I don't think I'll repaint again but I have thought about it.

Day 3

It's day 3 of South Beach and I'm hating life. I really want some chocolate right now and a banana- covered in the aforementioned chocolate. And maybe some of that toffee that Christy gave us the recipe for. Can I just say that I think I look fine and I don't care about a diet and call it a draw? Travis said I can. I love my husband. Maybe I'll feel better about it in the morning.

Day 2

It's day two and I'm not grouchy. I did Pilates today and I don't feel like I'm going to pass out. I had no coffee so I'm not jittery and I ate breakfast-even though it was only peanut butter. Lunch was leftover chili and I ate a string cheese and nuts as soon as I was done working out to avoid any crashing and grouchiness. And the only thing I'm craving is grapes and bananas and oranges and well, any fruit out there. Oh, and that salad mix from Costco with the candied almonds, feta cheese and cranberries sounds good too. I think I should probably go have a snack. So day two overall has been a big success and pretty easy. I think it's much easier since I've done this already.

Day 1

So I finally did it. I started South Beach yesterday, for real. It turns out that my insight on my parents coming was right on the money. They brought presents (since we hadn't done Christmas with them yet) and mom baked cookies- chocolate chip cookies no less *and* white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. So I had chocolate chip cookies for breakfast and dinner. And we went to Shane's Rib Shack, a new restaurant for us, and they had the most amazing peach cobbler ever. So, yeah, starting a new diet before then would have been disastrous. We had a really good time and spent most of Saturday (after Travis picked up the correct box from the furniture store) at Opry Mills shopping. The sales were great and I picked up a bunch of new tops. I should have bought some shoes too but my wallet gets harder and harder to open the more money I spend. I hadn't really bought anything in forever so I was in need of some new things. My dad hates shopping but he was a really good sport.

The next day was church, the aforementioned Rib Shack lunch and saying goodbye. Then I cleaned the house and sold the old baby bed and box spring from Chloe's bed while Trav put together the new bunk bed. It was a long but productive day.

Yesterday, I cleaned and cleaned but was somehow stuck in neutral and didn't see much progress for all my labor. It was very frustrating. I really want to get out and look for new bedding for the kiddos. We've sort of picked out something at Target but I want to look a few other places and see if I can find anything else. I'll show you pictures when I do.

And just as a side note for me to remember my first day of South Beach. I skipped breakfast and drank way too much coffee so I was a bit jittery and irritable. I was hungry for most of the day even though I ate and wasn't really full until I had chili for dinner. Then I was fine. I didn't crave too much sweet stuff although a glass of real sweet tea and chocolate chips did call my name at one point. I resisted. The scale was down from normal by about a half pound but I didn't weigh yesterday so I'm not exactly sure what my starting point was- after all those cookies and peach cobbler. I'm so frustrated with weight loss in general that I thought this morning, "if it doesn't work this time, I'm done". I probably couldn't stick to that either but I've got my fingers crossed that with my new medicine I'll be successful this time.

Drat!

We bought the girls bunk beds a few days ago in our very-first-ever-since-we've-been married- for-real-furniture-store-purchase. Wow, that was a mouth full. Since Halle turned four, she has started refusing to sleep in her toddler bed. And I can't say that I blame her since it's just her crib with one side taken off and replaced by a rail. She preferred the floor, saying that it was more comfortable. I'd looked at bunk beds all over figuring that eventually we'd have to buy a set. We settled on a wood set that met Trav's craftsmanship standards (he used to sell furniture) and our price requirements at American Signature Home. It's not the color I wanted (white) but it's a pretty espresso-ish that they call Merlot. That fact is important. Why? Well, because when Travis went to pick it up tonight along with two boxes marked blah, blah, blah Merlot, they put in a box that was marked blah, blah, blah, Sea Island Pine. How can you confuse the two? The Sea Island Pine box wasn't even a bunk bed item. They're bed rails. And I spent hours tearing the girls room apart and taking apart beds so that they could sleep in the new bunk bed tonight. It was going to be a late night anyway, but my parents are coming in town in the morning and things won't be as straightened as I want them to be. And the old beds are partly in the living room and partly in the girls room....my kingdom for a garage! All in all it's a bit frustrating and it puts a crimp in my day with my parents tomorrow. Oh, well, Que sera, sera, right?

A Really Bad Habit and Some Good Memories

OK, it's confession time. I have gotten into the really bad habit of going back to bed after I take Chloe to school. How did this happen? I was in such a good groove of staying up and doing devotions and now I'm sleeping way too late. Grrr... OK, it happened when I was sick and couldn't stand up so I'd have to go back to bed but now it's not a necessity and I'm still doing it. But I'm posting it in the hopes that the thought of another setback will keep my peepers open after I drop my kiddo off at school.

I have started to like coffee- I'm not sure if that's good or bad. But only 8 o'clock coffee. It tastes really good and I never thought coffee had a flavor other than bitter. And it's probably just me and I'm going to get crucified for this but I think that Starbuck's coffee smells and tastes burned. I still like it in a Latte and if I put enough flavored creamer in it I can drink it but still I don't really like it. That was kind of random but apparently I'm in that kind of mood today.

And I finally have a Facebook, um, whatever you call it. I'm not so into it because it's too overwhelming to see what other people have to say- and I only have about 6 friends. My brain really short circuits with all of that going on. But I did reconnect with my friend Vinny yesterday. He and I have e-mailed each other a couple of times over the years since I graduated from college. Vinny was an RA at Southeastern and he and I hit it off my first semester there. He was older than most of the students (11 years older than I ) and was probably more secure in who he was than most. He was one of several friends that I'd have over (and he's one of the people that I cooked my very first turkey for! I have pictures.) and he kind of adopted my parents. He actually really saved my butt one time and kept me from getting in *big* trouble at school (I'm not posting what I did on this public blog, it wasn't *that* bad, Southeastern is just really strict). He's a great guy and I really miss him. *And* I ate at Subway yesterday which I did nearly every day while I was in my last couple years of school- it made me smile.

Tonight I'm making hot wings, curly fries (actually fried, wish me luck), and brownies with ice cream for Travis because the Gators are playing some other team for the national championship. I've actually kind of started South Beach today, probably because I dreamed I was fat last night. I've intended to start anyway but there's nothing like a visual to get you motivated. I'm not sure I can resist brownies though. Besides chocolate chip cookies, they're my Achilles heel. But if I eat the stuff I was already planning on making tonight then I have to start over. And my parents will be in town on Saturday and it's nearly impossible to diet with them around. My Dad has a colossal sweet tooth and has a way of making you crave things you didn't remember existed. I'm sure I'll figure it out. And I do feel very good for not having eaten anything that I'm not supposed to today.

And I finally framed one of my paintings. I worked on this one forever. Actually I got bored with it and put it down forever but finally finished it. And I was really pleased with the way it looks framed. I'm not putting this one up for sale. And I'm probably going to take the other ones out of my shop and frame them too. I really like all of them and I think I might put them all on one wall in similar frames. Except for the sunflowers. They're on a wooden framed canvas so I'd have to have that one framed professionally...maybe one day. And as long as I'm confessing stuff, there seems to be no better way to suck all the fun out of painting than for me to put them up for sale. I'm not sure what I'll do with it but I haven't been painting for a while.

This is what it looks like close up. I think it's one of my favorites now.

Good Stuff

I'm delighted to say that there is lots of good stuff going on at the Button house. Nothing really huge but I find that it's the little things that make life especially enjoyable. Last night for instance, last night Trav and I went out for his birthday. A few weeks ago Eric told Trav to go out to dinner on HMS because of all the long hours he put in for their last big project. So we went to Stony River. It was fabulous. The atmosphere was really nice although they sat us next to the bathroom. And to just vent a bit- the restaurant was nearly empty, why by the bathroom and not by the fireplace? I should have said something. Anyway, the food and the conversation were great. Unfortunately there's nothing else to do in Franklin on a Sunday night. So we came home and put the girls to bed and watched a Sleepless in Seattle. It was really nice.

Isn't he cute? I love my guy.

I haven't really mentioned Christmas presents yet but I did get a pretty cool one this year. Trav bought a new camera for me- and it's pretty; cranberry red pretty. I've had an easy share camera before and liked the, well, easy-ness of it. Plus it's got 10 mp so the pictures should be more crisp. It's not the camera that I dream of but it has some newer features like face recognition that the camera that Kris and Mary gave me doesn't have. Plus I can just stick it in my bag and be ready to take pictures without a lot of fuss. Nice.

And see how it will focus on something up close instead of the thing behind it?

Another little thing I love is the bud vases. I'm crazy for the shape *and* they're only $1.99 at Target. I think that's a lot of punch for a little $$$.

And in somewhat disappointing news that turns into better news...sadly Cottage Living is no more. I'd just renewed my subscription too. I loved that magazine because it had cottages from all over, not just the south (like Southern Living which I also love). Plus it had great style and ideas. But when I got the official notification yesterday, I found out that I'll get a subscription to Coastal Living instead. It won't be the same *but* having lived in Florida for most of my life I definitely like the coastal style. And I'm pretty sure that it won't be sand dollars and starfish. And see the flowers my husband bought for me for no reason at all? Pretty, no? The flash thing is something I still need to work on. See the way the flash right in the middle sort of washes it out? I'm sure there's a remedy for that but I haven't taken the time to do it yet. One day I want to take a photography class.

Christmas Vacation, Chapter 3

In some ways I think that the last day we were there was the most important day. I really felt like there was a purpose for us being there for Christmas, which is probably why everything worked out perfectly in a really short period of time. Because if just one detail hadn't worked, we wouldn't have been able to go.

Originally we planned to go to the Florida Aquarium on Wednesday after we got there. But we were pretty beat after the long drive and we'd have missed out on spending any time with Shane and Angie and the kiddos. So we postponed it to Saturday and decided to go to Lowry Park Zoo instead since we could go for free. But since we'd spent so much time out on Friday I realized that I wasn't going to have any time with my brother. So we scratched the trip all together and just hung out at his house. In the past it's been frustrating to me that we never really talked but just watched TV. I've felt that my being there was pointless. I can't really describe what's happened in the past or why we were where we were but I couldn't fix it. This time was different though. We had the most amazing time just hanging out and talking. I went out to the back patio to thaw out at one point (my brother keeps his house pretty cold) and he and Wendy followed me outside and we talked and laughed and they invited us to go scalloping with them next summer. I can't even put into words how important that was to me. At one point Jon and Travis were sitting on the back porch talking about stuff and I was surprised but I didn't want to go out there and spoil the moment. It's not that there has ever been anything bad between them it's just that my brother doesn't talk much. I've thought that he and I didn't have anything in common but I found out on this trip that he and I are neurotic about some of the same things. Floaty things in swimming pools- gaaa! It drives us both crazy and he emptied out his whole swimming pool to fix it. Most people never do that- but I totally would. We both hate leftovers. We both hate dirty cars- although mine is dirty for lack of time to clean it. He has someone come to his office to clean his every week. And I was able to explain to him why I wanted to move away. Yes, God called us here but I wanted to leave too. I needed to become who I was supposed to be without anybody else telling me what they wanted me to be. I needed to breathe, to get away from all the bad stuff and start over. And we did and I'm thankful. And now I want to be near my family again. I want to watch my nieces and nephews grow up and have my brother and Wendy over for dinner and hang out with Shane and Angie and let my mother-in-law keep the kids so Travis and I can have some time to ourselves.

Yes, that's a big statement. And I realize that would require us not living here, in a place that I love. Will we? I don't know. I'm not pursuing anything like that. I'm just saying that if I was able to choose....I'd still choose to do whatever God has called us to do. That's the one thing I can't get away from. It's always going to be about that. But I really miss my family.

Later that afternoon we met the Johnson clan (Trav's family) at Banana Lake park. Yes, another lake with a park. Shane brought corn toss and a frisbee and a soccer ball. And when Christian got there he threw a football to Travis as soon as he stepped out of the van. At one point the guys were playing football, soccer and frisbee all at the same time. I haven't seen Travis smile that much in months. He was truly happy. I actually threw the football a bit with Trav and was able to impress him a bit- although my arm tired out pretty quickly and I started throwing it all wobbly. We got to see his Abuela, and parents. The kids played on the playground and we all went to a local pizza joint afterwards. At the end of the evening it took all of us about 30 minutes to say goodbye. We said goodbye in the restaurant, and outside the restaurant and in the parking lot...it was sweet. Travis has such a loving family.

Then it was back to my brother's house to pack up and we left the next morning. And here are the final pics of our trip...

The water in the pool was *freezing* but that's how badly Jon wanted Halle to pay attention to him. Those of you that know Halle understand...

Chloe was as happy as a clam in the frigid water...she cried all day after this and wanted to move in with Uncle Jon...

Poor Tessa was so cold and was really trying to not get splashed. Somehow I missed getting any pictures of my other two nieces...bad Aunt Amy. I feel bad about that.Dalton is showing off his "tat"...Cam is a cutie pie....Landon made it to the top!Chloe and Landon climbed together...My sweet Chlo-Chlo....Manda made it to the top of the rock climbing wall...Trav and CJ are tossing the football....Joyce and Lana- CJ's girlfriend. We all love her.These little spinnie things were totally cool...Chloe made it to the top too....And Chloe finally grasped the concept of sleeping to make the trip go by faster.I think this trip was exactly what the Dr. ordered for the Buttons. I am very thankful that we were able to go. The End.